Leading up to our two year mark I couldn’t help but to reflect on what the month leading up to our move was like. I looked back and felt anxious for ourselves. It was a monumental undertaking, there was so much to do and that was just to get us on the plane to the UK. Then we arrived in the UK and had so much more ahead of us. I remember being in a sort of survival mode for our last month in the US, I was too busy to stress too much. Then I remember our first night in the UK when I was in bed and thinking “Fuck…” I remember actually feeling the distance between our former home in the US and our new home that felt surprisingly foreign.
Things feel pretty normal now, other than being in the middle of a pandemic and the world being a dumpster fire at the moment. Things felt anything but normal for the longest time after we moved here. I really thought we’d settle in within a few months but it took much longer than that. We did eventually settle in and I’m now feeling just as at home as I had before moving. I don’t know if I’ve already mentioned this before, but I wrote a one-off blog post (more of a journal entry of sorts) not quite two months after we arrived in the UK and I suspect I might post it here one of these days, I guess I’ll just know when the time is right. I wrote it at one of my lowest points here and it kills me a bit to go back and read it now, but I’m so glad I wrote it. It was raw, I was scared, I was overwhelmed, I hadn’t slept because our neighbours sucked, I was mid-breakdown and things just felt really shite at that moment. I never want to forget how I felt at that time because it makes me appreciate this journey and our current state of “normalcy” all the more. I’ve never been much of one to cry, I hate crying; however, I cried more than I’ve ever cried during those first several months. I don’t cry anymore.
I don’t have the bouts of loneliness at this point like I used to. I mean I will never feel like I fit in and will experience different levels of feeling a little isolated, but that’s something I’ve had all my life… it’s fine, I’m cool, all is well. What I mean is I have friends I talk to regularly now, I feel more connected to life here. For what it’s worth, I’m a bit misanthropic (even more so after seeing how people have behaved during this pandemic) and tend to be ok with my own company for the most part, so I do ok with not as much social interaction as others require. I’m so thankful for all of the people over here who have taken this odd, ginger, American into their lives.
I still love this country. I still love Glasgow. There are certainly things I don’t love, things I can’t stand actually, but I suppose that’s really how it is anywhere one would live in the world. Ultimately, this feels like my home, it’s where I want to be. I’m slightly less self-conscious about my accent now but it’s still in the back of my mind when I speak to strangers. The moment I open my mouth I am outed as a foreigner. LOL! You might be surprised to know how quickly that changes conversations with strangers from “oh your dog is cute” to “where are you visiting from?” or getting stuck talking about the same old hot button topics that come to their mind when they think of America. I don’t usually mind, but sometimes I do wonder where our conversation would’ve gone if my accent hadn’t outed me. My accent hasn’t changed at all since moving here, so I think it’s safe to say this is just how it will be. And when you move to another country your identity becomes “the American.” That’s how we tend to be introduced to people, that’s also how people remember us. When my friend and I were on the phone a few months ago she was attempting to explain to her partner who she was talking to and when she finally said “THE AMERICAN” he knew exactly who she meant. This still makes me laugh even two years in. Oh, and yes I am still absolutely and completely in love with the Scottish accents (most of them anyways). It’s still my favourite accent in the world.
I think that about wraps up my “Two Years In” post. It’s just crazy to me that we’ve made it two years… wow… I honestly haven’t a clue where we’ll be come time for a “Three Years In” post. At this point I feel like I’m just watching life to see what happens, and quite honestly I’m just fine with that. Man… I’m so grateful. I’m so grateful to be here, so grateful for our friends here and our adopted Scottish family, so grateful for our US friends and family who have stayed in touch and been supportive, so grateful that we’re actually able to pay our bills, and the list goes on. Alright, I’m shutting up now. That’s enough from me.
I hope this post finds you well. Keep on keeping on!